DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS :

40-ish - 49

Adventurous - Slept with everyone

Athletic - No tits

Average looking - Ugly

Beautiful - Pathological liar

Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure - On medication

Feminist - Fat

Free spirit - Junkie

Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person

Fun - Annoying

New Age - Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded - Desperate

Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate - Sloppy drunk

Professional - Bitch

Voluptuous - Very Fat

Large frame - Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH :

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay





And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where

they are in their menstrual cycle For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with

rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol

and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside